| Merry Christmas |
[ , Sunday,
the 25th of December
about 6pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Then_i_DiD-RascalFlatts |
] |
Well today was grand!!! The of al was a phone call from my beloved Chase and then of course my new iPOD! but chase's phone call topped it all. I miss him so much!!!
|
|
♥
|
| OneOfThoseDownDays |
[ , Wednesday,
the 7th of December
about 9pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
LovesoneForTheLovelessAndTheHopeless-JulianaTheory |
] |
Wow haven't written in this in a long time. Theres so much going on. And WARNING I'm going to be totally honest. So lately I've gone from feeling on top of the world to maybe an inch from hitting the ground. School is stressful. And on top of that my two major support systems are starting to wither away. Chase left for the airforce which is a challenge in itself and then i seems like some of my friends are alienating me a bit. Both of which rip my heart into two pieces. Mind you still intact in their 2 pieces, just not shattered but just a tad broken. I guess the major parts about everything is:
1. I can live without seeing Chase but not talking to him and when I'm down him making some stupid joke to make me smile or laugh. &
2. It "seems" like some of my friends who aren't as close to me care a lot more than the ones that I've been through so much with. I guess i just feel like 2 to last with them. Call me selfish but if it where u it would hurt you too right?
So I guess where I'm at is what I'm going to do about it all. Should I try and sit them down and talk to them [probably the best idea] or should I just ignore it and just walk away from it all [not my fav. idea].
Big biggest struggle right now though is trying to figure out how I'm going to put my heart at ease from this pain of being seperated with the most amazing love. I just miss everything about him but I'm getting one thing out of it. I definately appreciate him more and more everyday because i realize just how good of a boyfriend he is. Ok well I guess that's it for now.
|
|
♥
|
| To start the christmas spirit |
[ , Monday,
the 21st of November
about 9pm] |
|
A Baby's Hug
We were the only family with children in the restaurant.. I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking. Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, "Hi." He pounded his fat baby hands on the
high chair tray. His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin, as he wriggled and giggled with merriment..
I looked around and saw the source of his merriment. It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked out of would-be shoes. His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed.
His whiskers were too short to be called a beard and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map. We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled. His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.
" Hi there, baby; Hi there, big boy. I see! ya, buster," the man said t o Erik.
My husband and I exchanged looks, "What do we do?"
Erik continued to laugh and answer, "Hi" .
Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man .. The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby. Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room, "Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek-a-boo."
Nobody thought the old man was cute. He was obviously drunk.
My husband and I were embarrassed. We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skidrow bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments. We finally got through the meal
and headed for the door.
My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot.
The old man sat poised betw een me and the door. "Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik," I prayed. As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him and avoid any air he might be
breathing. As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's "pick-me-up" position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man's.
Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship.. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder. The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes. His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back.
No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time. I stood awestruck. The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, "You
take care of this baby."
Somehow I managed, "I will," from a throat that contained a stone.
He pried Erik from his chest, lovingly and long ingly, as though he were in pain I received my baby, and the man said, "God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift." I said nothing more than a muttered thanks.
With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car. My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, "My God, my God, forgive me."
I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes. I was a Christian who was blind, holding a
child who was not.
I felt it was God asking, "Are you willing to share your son for a moment when He shared His for all eternity?"
The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, "To enter the Kingdom of God, we must become as little
children."
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Monday,
the 12th of September
about 10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
enthralled |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
She'sSomebody'sHero-? (its country and i <3 it) |
] |
Could life get much better? Even though thinking back on the last year and how rough it was I realized I'm so content with my life right now. Even dispite its shortcomings and downfalls here and there. Heck I guess the only real downfalls lately have been the 1 year anniversary of Joe's death =( and then just random trivial stuff that really doesnt matter to that extent. I mean I honestly feel so blessed. I have the best boyfriend in the world, I have a job and am making money towards my own car, it turns out my points arent going on my license (because my dad is a savior), I have the potential chance to go to Australia and New Zealand!, and the list goes on and on. But seriously a lot of my happiness is coming from my lovely boyfriend Chase. I've never been treated with such respect and affection. I mean what boy comes 45 minutes out to your house just to see you for 3 hours and have to drop you back off and drive back home @ $18 a gallon for gas. Or who does everything in his power to make sure, the weekend he thought he couldnt come see you, that he does see you. He opens my door up for me, kisses me on the forehead, holds my hand, constantly tells me in beautiful etc etc etc the list goes on forever! The feelings I have for him are so strong and we've already overcome so many odds. Noone thought it would make it to 2 months and here we are this thursday will be 2 months! =D He seriously makes me the happiest person just knowing he cares about me and thats his choice makes everything ok for me. When I get those gloomy days dealt out to me just thinking of him makes things better and thats no lie. It kinda funny to think back on the way I remember thinking about things in other relationships and also how I was treated and how all of this is so different. The way we met was just kinda story-bookish and cute. He my prince charming and I love him!....
I havent written in this thing in a long time and all that just kinda spiud out.
Haha today was such a interesting day though. It went by real fast and then after school I went back to Shavanna house and went for an intense 7ish mile bike ride from her house to mine! It was crazy! People seriously have not a care in the world for us recreational bikeriders!!! and then theres Savanna who forgets that she put me on her sisters no brake working bike and then cuts me off and randomly turns without warning unsuspecting Tiffany while she instantaneously decides to cross Livernoise while i swerve so I dont hit her and keep going on my own little safe path home, having to use my flip flops and brakes pads against the concrete! WeEeE!! haha realy can't complain because jumping in my pool was heaven by the time we got to my house...I turn the corner after struggling behind savanna because i thought my hamstring was about to detach from my fraile leg bone to see this character laying beside her bike looking kinda corpsish and i throw/toss my bike to the ground and strip down to shorts and a sports bra and savanna suddenly shows sign of life and we go sprinting to my pool and rip half to pool cover off to plop into the nice cold water=) wow! but anyways im tuckered out!!! hope all is well with everyone else in this lovely city! Goodnight All!
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Tuesday,
the 16th of August
about 12am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
DirtyLittleSecret-All-AmericanRejects |
] |
Ill be home in about 36 hours and Im excited but not...?I dont know I've got some mixed emotions as usual. Call me if u wanna come swimming on wednesday.
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Thursday,
the 11th of August
about 9pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
Updated CORRECT Schedule:
One Govt. Beckman
Two Adv. Alg. Schanbeck
Three Shakesper Kowal
Four Span 3 Rosenblatt
Five Physics Campbell
Six Couseling Assistant Rawa
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Thursday,
the 11th of August
about 12am] |
|
wow i thought i was over most of these emotions. And then to find out im not and all this comes rushing back like it was yesterday. The worries, the fears everything. and then theres the anger. The anger with myself for becoming that person i already didnt want to be. The fact that I'm still holding on when i thought i had let go, it scares me. Will i ever let go of that tradgedy? Will I ever have the strength the let all of it go and be in the past. Why am I even letting the past run my life. I dont wanna be that person who holds on to everything and isnt able to grow and learn with it. It kills me to think that I have just been barrying all the pain and covering it up and not dealing wiht it the way i should have...(what ever that even is). Its so difficult and its been 11 months already , which is scary in itself. I just want to be able to have those memories always with me but be able to let go of the hurt and sorrow of it all. I dont wanna feel shackled by the pain anymore. And I know he would want me to be. I just want to be set free and let him be free. Oh God help me. I just dont know wat else to do...
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Tuesday,
the 9th of August
about 10am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 angered!!! |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
THiSoneTHiNG_AMERiE |
] |
Lemme know if I have any classes with you!!!=)
1st Hr. Mr. Adams Psych 1
2nd Hr. Mrs. Defiles Comp 11A
3rd Hr.Mr. Kowal Shakesper
4th Hr. Ms. Rosenblatt Spanish 3
5th Hr. Mr. Campbell Physics
6th Hr. Mrs. Rawa Counseling Asst.
[EDiT]:
The more I look @ my schedule the more fucked up i see it is!!! ok no math class at all?(that can't be right)...and then i have TWO english classes in FIRST semester (that cant be right either?) I'm stressed now I already HATE this school year!!!
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Wednesday,
the 20th of July
about 8pm] |
|
( SummerFun )
|
|
♥
|
| what a sweetheart |
[ , Thursday,
the 14th of July
about 8pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i ♥ huckabees [watching it] |
] |
This is what I walked out to when i got out of the shower this morning...courtesy of Chase...I love this feeling. =D
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Wednesday,
the 13th of July
about 3pm] |
|
WoooOoOo just got my belly pierced!!! Then I went to leave and I almost passed out...so i had to sit in the tattoo parlor for like 15 more min. hahahah the nice lill tattooed up biker guy gave me a mountain dew...haha
On a better note things are OFFICALLY over with brett...even tho they were 3 weeks ago?....and Chase'm is officially the sweetest guy ever....i love my life...hehe
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Wednesday,
the 29th of June
about 3pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bitchy |
] |
Good lord i just want this weather to clear up!!!! Lately its kinda been one thing after another....starting with how my mom wanted me to get chemistry tutoring because I didnt do so great in the second semester and that almost resulted in me taking a dual enrollment course IN COLLEGE!!!! ya i kinda flipped about that one especially at NINE O'CLOCK this morning and being woken up about it!!! Then I couldnt go to the beach today because #1 i had to watch my grandma...(who is sick today so it 9 times worse) and #2 because it was pooring rain and my step mom is being a bitch!! GUH!!! so all the stuff i was suppsosed to do today went down the pisser!!! No tanning, no beach, no getting my car in my name so i can drive it by myself cuz im not on the insurance!!! so today has been the longest day since summer started!!! NOT TO MENTION my sister is the biggest raving bitch on the planet!!! holy cow last night i thought i was gunna KILL HER! and then to top it all of last night my step sister comesinto my room and i left my phone charging after the first confrentation (of several) and i had yelled at brett on my step sisters SN cuz i didnt feel liek going thru all the trouble of getting on AIM express...so then i guess apparently she proceeded to make him feel guilty...but i guess thats not a big deal im pissed at him anyways...o hope things start shaping up before to long...
ONE WEEK TIL SAVANNA COMES and that will prolly end up being the highlight of my summer!!!!
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Sunday,
the 26th of June
about 2pm] |
|
iM IN FLORiDA NOW!!!! i MADE iT!!!!
REDiD MY LAYOUT!!! iTS HOTTTTT =)
SAVANNA iS COMiNG iN 11 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
♥
|
| can u say H.A.P.P.Y.!!! =D |
[ , Tuesday,
the 21st of June
about 10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
ShimmyShimmyQuarterTurn-HelloGoodbye!!!!!! |
] |
OMG I CANT EXPRESS HOW EXTREMELY HAPPY I AM SO SAY THAT MY PARTNER IN CRIME (a.k.a. SAVANNA BROOKS!) IS STAYING W/ ME IN FLORIDA FOR 2 1/2 WEEKS
NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!
So you know that your never on your own
So you know that your never on your own
my body lies over the ocean
my body lies over the sea (ahhhhh how i love this song)
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Thursday,
the 16th of June
about 9pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
Well today was fun!!! Today will be my last entry til the 24th prolly tho =(. Well I went shopping today and then i found a common theme in all the stuff i bought today....SEQUENCE!!!!(SP?) Ya didnt notice til i was putting everything away when i got back to my grandpa´s. Im extremely happy/excited about my wayy hot bathing suit i got....lime green bottoms with a white top lined in lime green and the white has lime green sequence!!!! AHHH i love it!!!!! I was in a great mood but now im kinda sad cuz i didnt get my daily email form brett which kind of makes me worried a lil...
SAVANNA!!!! ok since u prolly/might not see my comment back to you...i come back from florida on the 17th so the dates need to be redone if u want that amount of time!!! but wow im wayyyyyy excited!!! almost 3 weeks with my partner in crime!!! omg im like shacking with excitement!!!!!!!!
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Sunday,
the 12th of June
about 8pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
Well kids I did make it to Colombia!!! After a whole day of traveling!!(not fun) I felt really sick by the time our plane got to Bogota and I feel asleep b4 we even took of to our connecting flight to Cali. The whole itme we keep teasing Natalie saying she has to hide her blonde hair or the guirillas are going to steal her and sell HER on the black market!!!!haha so we are landing in Bogota and natalie has her track jacket on and i has previously braided her hair into pig tails and hse tucks them into her track jacket and zips it all the way up and looks like a scuba diver but still looks like a bright blonde!!!! haha. then last night after all that we finally get to Cali (by the way Cali as in the city not the state haha) but we are waiting for our luggage...and....my moms never shows up!!! Grrrrreat and im all like ok mom what now...shes like well hopefully it didnt get stolen because they wanted to sell my leather coat on the black market...fun. So after filing that it was lost we go to my uncle´s apartment for the night and we took this bus taxi thing and then we get all the liggage out and get half way situated and then we have to go to take a "joy ride" in the bus taxi back up the car garage thing because all the wait of us allowed it to lower it down to fit and it didnt without all of us...then today we got up had breakfats and went to my grandpa's cottage up in the mountains!!! This area is breathtaking!!!! first thing i walk out onto the back porch and this view....holy cow!!! and then i see hummingbirds just feeding right next to me out of the feeder!!! it seriously paradise. We had all this family over and i got to do some serious practice with my spanish...haha and later we went to the waterfall and omgosh the pictures ill have when i get back home...wow.
Well im seriously missing everybody and especially the way i had to leave....partying it up the day b4 i leave randomly having people over after school and the junior sophomore "smack down" went down in front of my house *halarious* followed by like 25 people swimming in my pool...w.e. it was a blast!!!!! and i have NOOOOO SERVICE in south america and IM DIEING!!
miss you all!!! be back soon for a few days after the 23rd!!! LICENSE!!! YESSSSSS!
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Sunday,
the 15th of May
about 10pm] |
|
my lord what a week....
- started talking/hanging with savanna again.
- Got in a out of possibly the biggest house family dispute.
- Had my far shae of crying done.
- Had my fair share of being sick.
- Just kept myself buys and did thing IIIIIIII wanted to do for once.
- Started bringing my grades up...
- started getting closer to people who I can trust.
- Started realizing its ok to trust people and bring your wall down.
- Actually said somethings that needed to be said to family and friends.
- Realized what kind of person I want to be and become.
- Realized that I need to change some things and somethings I need to stand ferm in.
Haha ovbiously I've done A LOT of thinking since my last update. Making new friends and getting closer to new people is liberatating and I'm learning a lot from them. Some people i didn't talk to in a while i realized i really did miss and am glad to be friends again.
♥ ya goodnight all =)
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Tuesday,
the 29th of March
about 6pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
yessssss... |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Will Smith [MTV special] |
] |
well today i was out in the sun ALL day and i didnt even get burnt...im just "hawaiian looking" so my family says. haha fine by me. Tomorrow im going to spend the day with Hillary, Christina, and i think Kiki is with her too & we're going to Wet N' Wild!!! wooo im gunna be seriously like the definition of brown....[assuming i dont all of the sudden decide to burn] but im excited cuz they have a awesome surf shop in there and that means a little shopping on the side maybe!! But overall Florida has been awesome. I LOVE my family they arent like normal i guess...just goofy and kinda crazy-like! haha can't wait for summer when Savanna gets to spend a week or two down here. PARTYYYY! haha my uncles kids were over today and they are seriously the cutest things in the enitre world and they are so well behaved (unlike my sister) haha especially Isiah[a.k.a. "moo"] seriously the cutest 3 year old on the planet...haha well im supposed to spend the night @ my aunts house tonight then leave for orlando to spend the day with the girls!!soo im out kidd-Os!!
♥
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Sunday,
the 13th of March
about 11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
FatLip-Sum41 |
] |
Well I think I'm gunna do something funky with my hair again because im bored with it and it atleast needs some kinda of cut because of the frazledness from straightening it...
( are you ready for this?! )
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Wednesday,
the 23rd of February
about 3pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
irritated |
] |
WHO THE HELL IS STEALING BOOKS OUTTA ME AND SAVANNA'S DAMN LOCKER!!!
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Thursday,
the 17th of February
about 3pm] |
|
"[He may not be *.prince charming.*
to [a n y o n e * e l s e]
but in my ((eyes))..he'd fit the part]"
|
|
♥
|
|
[ , Sunday,
the 13th of February
about 8pm] |
FRiENDS ONLY
-comment to be added
|
|
♥
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
tu3sday_morning's journal